Advice From Couples Who Met in Adulthood: Tips for a Lasting Marriage

Our communities have endless examples of couples who have been together for a lifetime.  

In part one of our series on how to have a long and happy marriage, we followed two Hebrew SeniorLife couples who met as preteens, navigated becoming adults together, and are still in love today.

In part two, we’ll learn the stories of two couples who found each other as established adults and have shared over 40 years together since.

All four of these stories remind us that there’s no perfect age or moment to meet the love of your life. Whether you meet at age 12 or 40, a lifetime of adventure, love, and mutual support is possible!

Let’s explore the love stories and hear what marriage advice these two Hebrew SeniorLife couples have to offer: 

Aileen Louik and Arnie Maltz 

Arnie Maltz first met Aileen Louik when they attended the same High Holiday service in 1980 at a synagogue in Columbus, Ohio. Arnie, then 32 years old, noticed 37-year-old Aileen with her son — now their son — and felt an immediate connection with her. Too shy to make his move, he didn’t introduce himself.

Two weeks later, he ran into Aileen again at a Jewish Community Center’s theater committee meeting. “This time, I got around to connecting with her, except I never got her phone number. And in those days, that was what you did, so I ended up having to talk the chairman of the committee into giving me her phone number,” he says.  

Their first date was painting scenery together. “What started happening was that people kept assuming we were a married couple. You can infer from that that we were just so comfortable together that people assumed we’d been together for a long time,” explains Aileen. 

A year after they met, he proposed to Aileen on Yom Kippur. They got married in a special ceremony in Aileen's childhood synagogue that reflected their shared values and personalities. Wedding guests encircled Aileen and Arnie as they stood under the chuppah, creating an intimate atmosphere.

Humor has been an integral part of their relationship. “We had to have a counseling session with the rabbi, and what I remember about that was that when he asked us why we were together and why we wanted to get married, for me, it was the shared sense of humor, and that we laughed at each other’s jokes,” says Aileen. “It’s proven very useful,” quips Arnie.

After their wedding, Aileen and Arnie supported one another through challenges and curveballs that life threw at them. Both of them experienced layoffs, and undergoing a second layoff inspired Arnie to shift his career away from the trucking industry to complete a PhD in marketing/logistics. “Aileen supported me throughout that process,” he says. Aileen started her own private practice as a psychologist.  

When all he had left was his dissertation, he got a job in New Mexico as an assistant professor. “Aileen was willing to put up with the fact that I had always wanted to live in the West,” he adds. After a cancer diagnosis, Aileen moved in with her sister in Brookline to receive medical treatment in Boston, and Arnie followed to support her after concluding a semester of teaching. Then, a job offer from Arizona State University brought an end to Aileen and Arnie’s six years in New Mexico and led them to Phoenix, where they spent the next 21 years.  

In 2018, they moved to Center Communities of Brookline to be closer to their son and his family, as well as Aileen’s sister. “What I said to Aileen at that point was, ‘It’s your turn. Where are we going?’ And she said Brookline is the place,” says Arnie. They toured multiple communities and ended up at Hebrew SeniorLife.

Moving across the country hasn’t been their only adventure together. Their apartment at Center Communities is filled with art and mementos from their many travels together around the world. Sweden was their very first time out of the country, but they didn’t stop there. They went to the Olympics in Athens, set sail on a cruise, visited China, and explored Scandinavia. They traveled independently, too, and had their own friendships. They both cherish their independence, which is one of the values that makes their marriage work.

“Arnie is my best friend, and I like spending time with him — but not all my time! But I spend a lot of time with him, and I enjoy his company, so I think that has certainly contributed to our longevity. But we aren’t joined at the hip,” says Aileen. “No, not at all,” agrees Arnie.  

Every couple is different, so they know their advice might not work for everyone. But to Arnie, “liking each other helps,” he says with a smile. “But spend some time apart. Each person should have their own relationships, too,” adds Aileen. 

Judi and Jack Meaney

Jack Meaney and his wife, Judi, met through a chance family connection. Jack’s sister and Judi’s mother lived in the same close-knit duplex. Despite their proximity, Judi encountered everyone in Jack’s family before finally meeting him.

Reflecting on the first time they met, Judi says, “When I did meet him, I said ‘not bad. Nice looking guy. Handsome man.’ That was how it started. What did you say when you looked at me?” she asks Jack. “Nice looking woman,” he responds. They laugh together.

At the time, both were divorced from their first spouses and had children — Judi had one son, and Jack had a son and a daughter. Judi was 39, and Jack was 40. While dating, they spent many Friday nights on the dance floor of a nightclub in Somerville. Four years later, they got married on July 14, 1984. They recently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary!

It was a large wedding, with around 150 friends and family gathering to celebrate the couple. They fondly remember their loved ones’ antics and humor. “Our friends and family were very funny. They did crazy things. One friend of mine gave us a bereavement card,” says Judi. While blending their two families wasn’t always easy, they worked through it together.

A day after the wedding, they embarked on their honeymoon out of Florida: their first Caribbean cruise! They don’t remember the exact destinations of that particular cruise, but not because their honeymoon lacked meaning. Rather, it’s because they’ve taken many cruises since then, including one this summer. 

For their 25th anniversary, they treated themselves to an extra special cruise on the RMS Queen Mary 2, an ocean liner named after the RMS Queen Mary of 1936. They remember the ship as massive, extravagant, and outstanding — albeit a bit overly formal when it came to dinner dress requirements. Still, it was an experience to remember.

Jack and Judi are self-described beach bums. Five trips to Aruba have cemented it as one of their favorite destinations, though they’ve been to Bermuda multiple times as well. “The sand in Aruba is like cooking flour. You sink right into it. And then you get into the water, and about five feet in is the bar,” says Jack. “You always have a strawberry daiquiri before breakfast. I mean, isn’t that the goal?” adds Judi.

Old Orchard Beach in Maine holds an extra special place in their hearts as well. They owned a home there for 36 years, where they spent weekends and much of their time post-retirement. Today, their oceanfront apartment at Jack Satter House in Revere, MA, is filled with nautical decor and offers water views of Revere Beach right from their windows.

As far as their advice for a lasting marriage, Judi begins with two words: “Yes, dear.” She elaborates: “When you don’t agree with them, you say ‘yes dear,’ or you tell them honestly why you don’t agree with them. There’s no sense in getting uptight with each other. On occasion, we do get uptight, and then we kiss each other, and it’s over with,” says Judi.

They recommend being close friends and knowing one another fully. “I know what he likes to eat. He knows what I like to eat. I know what he doesn’t like to wear that I make him wear anyway,” she says. They don’t believe in hiding things from one another.

While life isn’t always easy, they view their marriage as a commitment to being two people working together as one. “We have our ups and downs, but we still love each other,” explains Jack. “Yes, we still love each other,” adds Judi. “Yeah. I love you,” says Jack.

Couples thrive in our senior living communities  

Our vibrant independent living options throughout the Greater Boston area offer something for every lifestyle and budget. From Jack Satter House’s beachfront apartments to rental options at Center Communities of Brookline, the Leyland Community in Dorchester, and the Simon C. Fireman Community in Randolph, MA, you can explore a range of affordable living communities.

We also offer suburban residences within our larger continuing care retirement communities at Orchard Cove in Canton, MA, and NewBridge on the Charles in Dedham, MA, so you’re bound to find something that works for you. We can even accommodate couples with different care needs so that both of you get the level of support that meets you where you’re at.

Interested in discussing your next chapter? Contact us online today.

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