Advice From Childhood Sweethearts: How To Build a Long and Happy Marriage

Our senior living communities include dozens of married couples who have shared the ups and downs of life by each other’s side. Their stories stand as shining examples of enduring love and can offer valuable insights for anyone looking to build their own long and happy marriage.

In conversations with two couples who met as preteens, a few key themes emerged: the importance of humor and laughter, open communication and transparency, and unwavering support through life’s inevitable challenges.    

While these couples can offer guidance, remember that your relationship is unique. Even though you won’t walk an identical path to any other couple, you can still learn something from those whose relationships have stood the test of time.

Let’s hear the love stories of two incredible Hebrew SeniorLife couples and what their advice is for those whose stories are just getting started: 

Toby and Stan Orel

Toby and Stan Orel’s story began at the ages of 11 and 12 when they met at a Jewish Community Center called the Hecht Neighborhood House in Dorchester, MA, in 1949. They became fast friends, spending the day after they first met riding bicycles together through the neighborhood.

By the time they were 16, their friendship had deepened into something more serious. They both had part-time jobs and decided to open an account at a credit union together and save for their future wedding — money they eventually used to buy an engagement ring. “There’s never been anyone else,” says Stan.

They got married at the ages of 20 and 21 while they were still college students. Now 86 and 87, respectively, Toby and Stan remember their wedding day with joy. “Our wedding was absolutely fabulous. It was very important to my mother. She wanted to make it a beautiful affair,” explains Toby. Toby always had to give her paycheck to her mother, something a lot of people did back then, who put it aside to eventually buy her a beautiful wedding dress. Stan dressed to the nines in a top hat, white tie, and tailcoat.  

“We had such a good time that we forgot to eat,” laughs Toby. It didn’t matter. They danced, sang, and had the night of their lives together. “There wasn’t anything in the apartment to eat after the wedding, and there was nothing we could do. We laughed about that,” she adds. Their ability to find humor in any situation is a shared value they say is essential to a lasting marriage.  

Their love story continued with the birth of their three children. They created countless memories together as a family and a couple, traveling across the country in their motorhomes.  

One memorable trip they took, once their children were grown up and had families of their own, brought them all the way across the country from Massachusetts to Oregon, into Canada, and back home — a five-month journey! The following year, they explored the middle of the country on a four-month trip. The year after that? They saw the entire east coast of the U.S. over three months.

“We loved history and we wanted to be pioneers, and we did the Lewis and Clark trail, and just everything about the experience was so meaningful for us. When we describe it to people, it sounds so extraordinary. For us, it was just something we really wanted to do,” explains Toby.  

Their love for history has stayed with them. As residents of Orchard Cove in Canton, MA, the Orels host bus tours for new residents who are unfamiliar with the area, sharing their love for the town and its history. 

Now, more than 75 years after they first met, Stan still looks forward to coming home to Toby every day. “I worked for a lot of years, and I always liked coming home. I was caught up in the blizzard of 1978. When I walked in the door and saw Toby and the three kids, my eyes just lit up. I always just loved coming home. I still do,” says Stan.

For couples looking to build a lasting marriage, Toby and Stan's advice is to always make time to talk and listen to each other, always be there when you need each other, and know when to compromise. They’ve carried the values of trust, honesty, patience, and a good sense of humor throughout their marriage. “Have a sense of humor. Laugh as much as you can,” says Stan.

Lorraine and Bob Witzburg

In 1964, alphabetical order brought together 12-year-olds Bob Witzburg and Lorraine Westphal. They were seated next to each other at a two-student desk in their eighth-grade social studies class, and their lockers were side by side.

“I looked at this person sitting next to me, and there was a flash of lightning and a bolt of thunder. I can’t believe no one else in the room heard it. I was done. That was it. We’ve been together ever since. A few weeks later, Lorraine moved into my locker,” says Bob.

One evening, their school invited the broader community to see the students present their science projects. Lorraine told her mother, “I want you to come see Bobby Witzburg’s project. I’m going to marry Bobby Witzburg.” And she did.

They grew up in New Jersey and moved to Massachusetts for college. Bob attended Tufts University, while Lorraine attended Wellesley College. Bob remembers a moment when they were studying together in his dorm room with roommates. “We had a living room area, and out of nowhere in particular, one of my roommates looked at me and said, ‘So Bob, how long did it take to realize Lorraine was the one for you?’ I said, ‘About five seconds.’ And Lorraine speaks up and says, ‘What took you so long?’”

They married in 1973, shortly after graduating. After a brief honeymoon in the Laurentian Mountains in Canada, Lorraine began her first teaching job, and Bob started medical school.

Now about to turn 73, they’re blessed to have two daughters with their own loving spouses, plus four amazing grandchildren and two terrific granddogs. Their two local grandchildren regularly stay the night at their apartment at NewBridge on the Charles in Dedham, MA.

They just celebrated their 51st anniversary. They spend many of their anniversaries with family, driving to Chicago every summer to see their younger daughter and two of their grandchildren. A favorite vacation spot in the Finger Lakes in western New York took on even more meaning after Lorraine was diagnosed with leukemia in 2009.

“At the worst moments during that illness, we fixated on visiting this place in the Finger Lakes that we had enjoyed. We had to cancel a trip because it would have been impossible at the time, but we hoped to get back there. We celebrate life pretty much on a regular basis, but particularly in that place in August,” says Bob. They did get back there — and it was amazing. “There was so much crying, tears of joy,” he adds.

Bob’s advice for other couples? “Ignore all the advice you get, including mine. Everybody’s life is their own individual experience. I have no reason to think what has worked for us might work for anybody else, and I wouldn’t want to impose that on anyone. I think people need to make their way,” he says.

Still, they do have some guideposts to offer. “An important one is to always be truthful and open with your partner. There should be no secrets, no hidden parts, and one shared life. I don’t see how it can work otherwise,” notes Lorraine.

They also share the concept of having “enough” money, especially because financial problems can easily cause problems in relationships.  

When Bob was starting out in academic medicine, and they were living in a 900-square-foot home with their two children, he started to question whether they had enough. “I felt like maybe I needed to leave academic medicine and make some more money to support this family. But Lorraine never pushed that, never felt that, and always said, ‘We’re fine, we have enough.’ And we figured out ways to make it work,” he says.

To Bob and Lorraine, surface interests aren’t as important for a lasting marriage as core values. But don’t underestimate the importance of chemistry. “Shared values and chemistry — and not necessarily in that order,” adds Bob. “It’s not a joke to say that if I’m out and Lorraine is home, I still look in the mirror in the car to make sure I look okay before I go in,” he says with a smile.

Read more stories of couples who have achieved a lifetime of love  

This is just part one of our two-part blog series on how to have a long and happy marriage. Read part two of the blog series to get marriage tips from couples who met in adulthood and have grown together for over 40 years.